Choices.

Finally finished my art project. Pls watch and comment, hope this is encouraging. :)

p.s. srry for the crappy sound quality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEROasOTKtY



I kno what's good, I know what's best
But my heart just wont rest
It keeps on feedin me lies
Even with my hardest tries
I cant change, I cant move
But a path I gotta choose
Theres one wide, straight and clear
and the car I'd get to steer
Then one skinny and rough
my heart whispers, "thats to tough"
But in the car a man I see
He says, "come follow me"
His body is beaten and worn
and His hands are all torn

He grips the steering wheel and says, "You gotta trust me"
I turn my face in doubt, "But Father, what if I cant see?"

Then I see a load in the back
its the faith that I lack
and the anger and doubt
that Id rather live without.
He takes it for me,
so that I can be clean
So I hop in the shotgun
knowing its nothing that I've done.
God pls drive my life, however you choose
Im giving it to you, or this battle Ima loose.
You kno what is best.
In your will I will rest.

questions and answers.

couldn't fall asleep so i started writing... hope this encourages :)

Do I need fame? Fortune?
Of Independence, a bigger portion?
What will bring happiness, what satisfies?
What if what I've believed all along is just lies?
Is what I have not enough?
Do I need more clothes, more stuff?
If I were thinner, would the world love me' more?
Maybe if I wore more clothes from that store?
Is my popularity lacking?
My personality slacking?
Do relationships save?
From a life that's depraved?
Does love really last?
Or does this perfectness pass?
If worldly satisfaction I seek,
Will lasting happiness I meet?
If follow the rebellious path,
Would I really face wrath?
Would acceptance come, if I were more like her or him?
Is it really all tht bad, my 'wretched' sin?

As these questions sneak in my mind,
I grope for the TRUTH, Gods word I find
He opposes the proud, and gives grace to the humble (James 4:6)
No longer over this doubt do I stumble
It says joy is in The Lord, not the world and it's pleasures
In Gods place is splendor, His everlasting treasures (1st chron 16:25-27)
The only truth is in Gods word (psalm 119:160)
The WORLD tells the lies, all the crap tht I heard
Beauty doesn't last, and bodily forms pass,
But fearing the Lord is what's to be grasped (proverbs 31:30)
God says to dress with humility (1st Peter 5:5)
Fashion is temporary I now see
Popularity is vain,
All lust leaves is pain
Ur life will be incomplete, full if holes
Cus only GOD satisfies the longing soul (psalms 107:9)
As for my sins they're so bad, God can't even look
Yet he died a painful death, and all of them He took
Anger, jealousy, pridefulness, and lying
Thank God He didn't come to save the healthy, but the sick and dying (mark 2:17)
So my questions are answered and I rest in Gods word
Because all else is false, my only hope is the Lord



<3,

Becky

thoughts.

I kno what's good, I know what's best
But my heart just wont rest
It keeps on feedin me lies
Even with my hardest tries
I cant change, I cant move
But a path I gotta choose
Theres one wide, straight and clear
and the car I'd get to steer
Then one skinny and rough
my heart whispers, "thats to tough"
But in the car a man I see
He says, "come follow me"
His body is beaten and worn
and His hands are all torn

He grips the steering wheel and says, "You gotta trust me"
I turn my face in doubt, "But Father, what if I cant see?"

Then I see a load in the back
its the faith that I lack
and the anger and doubt
that Id rather live without.
He takes it for me,
so that I can be clean
So I hop in the shotgun
knowing its nothing that I've done.
God pls drive my life, however you choose
Im giving it to you, or this battle Ima loose.
You kno what is best.
In your will I will rest.


Father, in your will I will rest.

What I want.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

Think about those words. They werent just picked out of the blue, God chose each one to go in that verse, so that generations upon generations of ppl could read them. periced, crushed, wounds. I just got back from watching Passion of the Christ w/ the bg youth (for the very first time) and I've been freshly affected by what my savior did for me. Let's face it, we all try and make ourselves look good. Nobody wants to think of themselves as a sinner. Everyday I come up with a new reason why I'm worthy to deserve stuff. It's like giving yourself Jesus points. When I do my devotions, my riteous meter goes up a little and I unconciously give myself allowance to be a little more leiniant with chores. We all have areas where we do that. It's so easy to decieve ourselves into thinking were 'good people', even tho we hear and kno the gospel that says were wicked sinners. Seeing this movie gave me a fresh reminder just how false that lie is. While I watched the crucifiction scene, I saw my face among those mocking Jesus. I saw it was ME who was whipping him mercilessly, and spitting on His face. I was the one that drove those nails through his perfect holy hands and held Him to that cross. With every sin I've committed, it was like one more blow that drove the nails in deeper. It's devestating when you really think about how much our sin, that we commit every single day, hurts God. How much pain and suffering it causes Him. How could He love such wretched sinners? I'll never fully understand the depth of His mercy. But what I do understand is that I want to live my life to glorify Him. I'll never be perfect, but I want God's grip on me to be so strong, that everything else I see looks worthless compared to what I have in Christ. That's what i want. What do you want?

God's power

So on Sunday night I set my mind to something. We have this giant giant tree in our backyard that is waay taller than all the others, and no one has climbed yet because it's pretty hard to get up into. I had one of those inspirational moments where I decided I was GOING to climb that tree no matter what it took. So, to make a long story short, after much frustration, a rope, long cozy sweats and a sweatshirt I got to the top. I sat up there for an hr enjoying the view until my face started itching. It then hit me that the vine stuff I'd been climbing thru the past 10 minutes was most likely not some kind of flower. I dismissed it tho, determined not to ruin the moment. Well the next day I woke up with a face that resembled a big pink balloon, and plenty of itchiness to go with it. I got to the doctor and they gave me lots of steroids and benadryl to take, and I basically had to wait it out. I really did look positively awful, but the doctor told me it would take at least 5 days for the redness and swelling to go away, and it would probly still be itchy for the next two weeks. Haha I dont think I've ever regretted climbing a tree more.. its ridiculously inconvenient to have a messed up face. Anyway, to the point. Last night I had my devotions on the swingset out back, and God prompted me to spend some serious time in prayer, cuz I've realllly been lacking in this recently. So I poured out my heart to God, and without even really knowing what I was saying, I asked Him for a miracle. Lot's of times when my life get's dull, and my devotions are slacking, I feel like I want so badly to see God's presence and feel Him move. So I prayed that He would work in some big way that I could see, whether it be in someone else I kno and love, or in my life. I didn't pray that my poison ivy would go away, but I think God knew in my heart that I was perfectly willing for Him to take it away early if that was His plan. Honestly, I was really believing in God that He would move in a big way. Ever since youth camp, God has really been merciful to me and showed me to put more and more faith in Him, and what He can do. Last night, I went to bed with a red, swollen, and itchy face. This morning I woke up with a normal colored, normal size face, and the itchiness has gone waay down. :) To some ppl, this might just seem like luck that it healed up a couple days early. But I see it as God once again answering my prayers, and moving in my life in big ways. This is just another one of the many reasons God gives me to put more faith in Him, and what He can do. The bible promises that with God, all things are possible. It's ridiculous how easily we can stray from really believing that when the world's promises seem to be so enticing and full. But it's only the mercy of God that brings us back to the cross and shows us what a powerful, awesome God our savior is.

rap song.

I was having my devos this afternoon and I was reading all these verses about being lost and found again. It reminded me what it was like to be lost in my sin, without hope, then to have God come and pick me to be one of His children. Lot's of times when I get to really thinking about something, Ill just start writing about it, so here's what came out today. i guess its kind of in song form...


haha sorry its sooo long.

p.s. my baby sis can rap prettay good, and my other sis can sing so hopefully sometime we'll actually finish and record it. :)


This world is worthless and crap
Just like this attempt at a rap
Seems when you look around you
There’s to many choices to choose
Its like its life or it death
Yet we rarely choose best
Cuz the good stuff looks dull
And the bad stuff looks full
Its like its veggies and candy
You kno ull pick what looks dandy
But it ends up all hollow
Consequences to swallow
See the sweetness never lasts
The happiness’ pass
And ur left at the beginning
Thinking, and signing

If I only knew the way, outta this place
Im so tired a frayed, I want a happiness that stays
And a rock that I can lean on, that doesn’t melt away
A rock (a rock)
That doesn’t melt away

Yea I’ve been there before
And since then I’ve failed ever more
No matter how much I work
At my door failure lurks
In my own strength I try
At success I really pry
I pretend that I’m strong
But for true strength I long
Cuz inside Im falling
For help Im screaming and calling
But my friends they don’t answer
Nor do those promising pleasures
I’m at a place of desperation
I need resuscitation
Who will take me in?
Who in this world can save me from my sin?

Could there even be a way, outta this place?
Cuz I’m so tired and frayed, I want a happiness that stays
And a rock that I can lean on, that doesn’t melt away
A rock (a rock)
That doesn’t melt away

My face is filthy and smudged
I feel like on with the mud
I scan all faces for pity
But none even see me
I get to the end of the line
Hope is gone in my mind
Yet after all those blank stares,
I see expression that cares
The man smiles at me,
And says, “daughter, you’re free”
It’s then I start to realize
The burden that I’ve tried
To carry on my own,
From my back is now gone
The man takes it to a tree
Where He hangs and dies for me.
I look on and start to cry
Realization floods my life
It’s my savior, now I see
I’ve treated him as enemy
Yet He’s faithful to forgive
So eternally I can live

Thank God for making a way, outta this place
I’m still tired and frayed, but I have a happiness that stays
And a rock that I will lean on, that doesn’t melt away
A rock (a rock)
That doesn’t melt away.

So this rock I will lean on
Only by His strength Ill stay strong
When temptations come my way
I resist them, by His grace
Cuz he’s given me eyes to see
How worthless this world can be
And how pointless the pleasures
When He offers me treasures
I still fail and sin
But I just make that trip again
Back to the cross
Where my burden is lost
And His mercy runs free
To every sinner like me
I was once lost and blind
But He was merciful and kind
In His arms now I see
I will stay eternally