fail.

So today was one of those days. We were on our way home from compass and i just lost it. I started speaking my mind (bad idea..) and ended up saying some really disrespectful things to my Mom. Recently, I've been praying that I would honor her more in how I speak/what i say so falling right back into the pit of trash talking was pretty darn discouraging. When we got home I just went up in my room and cried for like ten minutes. I felt like such a failure as a daughter, and I felt like no matter how hard i tried, I always ended up sinning and hurting someone. It really hurt me to see how my sin hurt someone I love, like my Mom. So I opened up the bible knowing I would find some encouragement and these are the verses i found: (I legit just opened it up and these were on the page...)

Psalms 73:21-26 "When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in Heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."


haha after this I started crying even more. ;/ It just struck me that I have been trying to grow by myself, and trying to be 'good' and honor Mom out of my OWN will, and not God's. I mean it's kind of obvious that if you don't spend time in devos and prayer ur relationship with God isn't gonna be that hot. But someone how I deceived myself into thinking that straightening my hair was more important than having non-rushed devotions. Which obviously led to me trying to honor Mom by myself, when my relationship with Jesus wasn't even where it should have been. The more I grew away from God, and closer to the world, the shorter my temper was, and the easier is was for me to disrespect Mom. I was so overwhelmed and I felt like there was no hope of growing, and I'm always going to be a failure. (yea, i had a pretty big pity party..) Those verses were such an awesome reminder that no matter how many times I do fail (which is a lot) and no matter how many times I put Christ at the bottom of my priority list (which I do too often) God is always going to be with me and "holding my right hand." Isn't that such good news?

anyway just felt like sharing that. :)

spanks for reading.

<3,

Bece